JURASSIC WORLD: Who Needs Brains When You Have Raptors

Jurassic-WorldAfter the clusterfuck of a movie that was JURASSIC PARK 3 that basically murdered the entire fucking JURASSIC PARK franchise in one mean-spirited fell swoop, no one was expecting anything to redeem the one and only cinematic dinosaur movie series. With the first two installments being some of the best reflections on the whole idea of “Science playing god” show in a Sci-Fi movie (even if part 2 was too biased against humans in a movie written by humans), the third part decided to fuck all that depth and turn itself into a stupid B Monster Movie that didn’t even have a slimmer of the enjoyment most other superior Monster Movies have. Nearly a decade later, the park with the world’s dumbest security teams that could easily lose a humongous lizard the size of a building if they were in a fucking desert reopens as a full fledged theme park in the smash hit of the year, JURASSIC WORLD.

Now, the obvious goal for WORLD is to redeem the franchise as a whole after it fucking killed the T-Rex and its reputation in one hit and while WORLD successfully made the JURASSIC titles a household name once more, it doesn’t manage to bring back everything that made the first two movies so memorable in the first place. This can be traced all the way back to WORLD’s identity crisis as to what it should be: either it’s a return to the cinematic reflection on genetics and playing God or a bombastic Summer Blockbuster Movie and when it tries to get the best of both sides of that equation, it just bungles shit up.

On one end, WORLD succeeds in being a Sci-Fi Thriller straight out of the 90’s in all the worst stereotypical ways possible. From aged sexism (it has too many “OMG GIRLS CAN KICK-ASS TOO” moments) to overused character tropes to the rampant stupidity that plagued the people in many of these movies, WORLD took a look at the original JURASSIC PARK and just copied shit without realizing what year it was, thus adding ancient tropes from a bygone era into a context where they just don’t really work anymore. Maybe in the 90’s such glaring flaws were passable but now, they spell lazy writing. Here you have the Awesome Alpha Male Beefcake with his Black Best Friend, said Beefcake’s love interest is (big surprise) the Seemingly No-Nonsense Independent Woman who falls for him after maybe three sentences plus, she has to watch over Stupid Fucking Kids that always get their asses in danger. And to top it all off, the primary antagonist of the movie (outside of the Great White Dino) is your Obligatory Evil Corporate/Military Representative who most probably gets wet from dreams of Velociraptors riding F-22 Raptor fighters since his entire character in the movie is dedicated to being hammy and verbally jerking off to the idea of militarizing wild dinosaurs.  These characters are so bland that I ended up giving more fucks about the CGI velociraptors instead of the people who were in constant danger of becoming dino chow. Seriously, the raptors had a more convincing character arc when compared to their human contemporaries.

With these kinds of players starring in a story that’s pushed forward by the power of coincidence and stupid decisions like going off-course in your man-sized hamster ball all in the name of reckless brotherly fun that somehow make the idiocy of the original movies look smart, don’t expect any deep discussions about the human condition and our never-ending quest for greatness through science.

On the other hand, WORLD takes notes from the accursed third installment and Michael Bay by being a brainless blockbuster film that prioritizes spectacle over story. In its attempts to cater to a wider audience of younger people, WORLD amps the amount of action packed scenes all in the name of Blockbuster pandering. Where the original movie only used the dinosaur scenes to build tension, WORLD fucks that subtlety by going all out with the rampage scenes which are, undeniably, an awesome feast for the eyes. The problem here is that the movie’s priorities get confused: while it DOES try its hardest to show an in-depth look at the consequences of recreating extinct creatures or making up new ones, all manner of reflection and thought is rushed and literally ignored after the first ten or twenty minutes because the director most probably thought “This shit needs more dinos” and boom, action sequences all around that eat up the majority of the film. At least it doesn’t try to scold people for being humans like what THE LOST WORLD OF JURASSIC PARK and part 3 did; rather than trying to sound smarter than usual, WORLD just sticks to entertaining people with special effects and that works perfectly in its favor.

Without the benefit of a good compromise between these two extremes and thanks to many aspects of the story that are better seen in a museum along with its dinosaur stars, JURASSIC WORLD proves itself to be a clumsy and dumb-as-hell Sci-Fi thriller that was still surprisingly fun to watch. Sure, it failed in telling a compelling story and it didn’t even bother to try adding anything new to the franchise but it worked perfectly as a nostalgia bomb loaded with some of the most amazing heartfelt homages to the franchise’s glory days with tons of literal dumb dinosaur filled popcorn fun thrown in.

If you were the kind of person who was expecting the return of the thought provoking Sci-Fi movies from the olden days, you’ll be disappointed for sure but if you can let that slide for now and just enjoy the ride that stars Chris Pratt and his trusty pack of raptors, then JURASSIC WORLD will not fail in entertaining you for a weekend.


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